I was not prepared for motherhood. Where you?
There’s no e-course, no book, no training or school, that prepares you for this journey.
Where you prepared for the feeling of loneliness?
Even if you have your kids around you, it can feel pretty lonely. Our society has gotten so individualistic. Living together in a small space with your in laws, aunties, grandma, it might not be ideal privacy wise, but there is always help nearby. Some societies (still) work like that.
And where you prepared for feeling like a failure compared to other moms who show up at school seemingly in control, full of energy and having it all covered? ‘I’m a superwoman’ written on their forehead. And you go home, dreading another day with your toddler. What on earth shall we do today? Waiting for night time to come. Some days that is your favorite time of day.
I’m in control (even if everything falls apart)
The reality is, behind closed doors, there’s a lot of struggling going on. Tired moms, burned out moms, dealing with the logistics nightmare (who does school drop off and pick up, help-the baby sitter called in sick, who will be home first, who’s cooking dinner, stuck in traffic and too late for pick up, will I make it on time…), moms who crave some alone time, moms who are constantly behind with their to do list, broken nights because the 3 year old decided to wake up every night, since a couple of weeks. Shall I go on?
And still we feel like we need to show the outside world us too are in control. I can handle it all. I’m fine. I am supermom as well.
Why is that? Why are we afraid to show our vulnerability? Why don’t we ask for help? Or even, accept it when someone offers to help? We rather appear strong and go on doing it ourselves.
I know for a lot of moms, asking for help is a big hurdle. And I’m one of them. I love helping out other people, but I’d rather pay a sitter 10 euros an hour than asking a fellow mom to help me out. I know, it’s the weirdest thing.
Asking for help, does not make you a failure.
It’s a sign of strength.
People who know me, know that I’m always pretty honest about not feeling my best self after the girls where born. And I share honestly that I need alone time. A lot. And that I love my daughters, but some days I long for the days I was alone and could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and eat in peace 🙂
Next thing to learn for me as well, is to ask for help. And accept it when offered.
So fellow mom, what do you say?
Shall we open the doors and share what is really going on? Be honest and vulnerable. And if we see someone looking tired, ask how she is. Share your own struggles so she can feel safe to share hers. Offer help when we can. And accept it when offered.
(And do not feel guilty :))